June 25, 2013

“G-d, g-d’s on my side”

That’s my new song.  My new chant.  My new mantra.  It goes to the tune of “Time, time is on my side”

Time Is On My Side — Rolling Stones

It’s what came into my mind after I spoke to the tv exec yesterday.

Well, after I became exhausted — and yes, I was in bed by 8:30 and to sleep shortly afterwards.

It’s amazing the exhaustion — and yes, another headache that came over me.

So I kept singing that song to release myself.

I kept saying, I surrender — I release control here — g-d is on my side, g-d take care of this now…. take care of this tv job for me.  G-d’s in control.

And that’s how I feel.

I woke up feeling tired today – although I’ve had around 11 hours of sleep.  Yep!  Around 8:30PM to 7AM

So many things mulling over in my mind.  Trying to figure out how to present myself to this guy so he sees the sizzle.  So he sees how we can make it happen.

Like I said, I started reading over the treatment again and it’s really good.

Yes, it’s weird.  And I think that’s the point — because I have weird — quirky — factors to myself and to do one’s life purpose we have to be okay with being totally 100% ourselves.

That’s how success comes.

And also the other thing that came to mind is that if I came to this guy BEFORE my MarryBlaire site and told him my idea, he’s probably say the same thing to me — that the general public doesn’t know me, why would they be interested in me finding love, when they are looking for it too, etc.

But it’s the way I do it, my personality – the fun and playfulness, the quirkiness and the wisdom that I share that draws attention.  My work is always controversial.  I have a history of it.  MarryBlaire — these sexuality events I did in the city after that — and then I went into hiding when I was down here, plus I was going deeper into my learning of love/marriage/different cultures.

So this is the same thing here — I’m coming to him before it.  And that’s why I’m presenting this idea with the interest of being a consulting producer on the show, to be in the brainstorming and creation of it – since that’s key.

So I want to write him an email about this and part of me thinks — yes, go for it, keep putting it out there, keep going for what you want.

But then the other part of me is like, forget it, why are you trying to prove yourself to someone who doesn’t like the idea or doesn’t see what makes it unique or whatever.

I’m going to walk Magic and think about it.

Again, I must say I’m pretty tired today.  I put out so much energy to make this happen, then to mull it over, then to pray about it, and I tell Spirit – yes, now, you do this for me — I’m turning it over to you.

And that’s why again I’m thinking that maybe I shouldn’t write this guy an email today cause is that me taking the reins from Spirit?  Not letting them work?  Or is it them who are telling me — go for it!!! Yes, keep going for what you want!!

I am so ready for this to pop off.  I feel this is the time.  I KNOW this is the time.

The question just is, how much effort do I put into making it happen — and the surrender, does that mean stop the emails to him?

Well, that’s the biggest question today.

THANK G-D I have a massage scheduled.  SOOOO need it.

And I’m praying for money.  Yes, thinking about this again.  Rent is due in about a week and I do feel a little bit concerned about money flow again.

Please help me become financially secure right now.  Please bring me money everyday into my bank account and into my life.  Thank you.  Amen.