May 2, 2013

So a new person joined this website.  That’s great.  I’m happy to have them on board and I’m looking forward to seeing their transformation.

I’ve also been noticing little tiny thoughts I’ve had of “oh no” with them being here.

You see the other people who were on the site have since ended their adventure on here.

So the forum is just of the new person, that’s it.

It could get lonely being on there on your own?

Does this person care?

It’s the vulnerability that comes along with being a teacher — and putting yourself out there.

Sometimes only 1 person will show.

Sometimes just 1 person will be on the backend of a website forum.

I have come to more peace about this than I was when I just started.

I see that forum as being there to support them, to journal out their thoughts.

I’m uncertain whether I should require people to post or not.  This is where the forgiveness of my thoughts comes into play.  Whatever it is, is okay.

I know the site has value.

I forgive the thoughts of being vulnerable.

Forgive the thoughts of “oh no, she’s going to think I’m uncool / unpopular.”

Funny how that comes up.  I’m 35.  And I know I’m cool and I know I’m popular, yet that’s little kid thoughts.  High school thoughts.

The feeling of her judging me.  That this site is not good cause others aren’t on it.

Or something like that.

Forgiving them all.  Letting them flow right over me.  I did tell you they were tiny weeny thoughts — so I’m writing them here to acknowledge them and so you know my process and what’s going on in my head… and with that all… I’m letting them be what they will be.

Maybe still there will be times where there is just 1 person.  Maybe at times I’m meant to just help 1 person.  That’s fine by me.  Spirit knows what’s best and I know there is learning and healing involved with all of it.

I am at peace.  More and more peace.  Thank you.