April 24, 2013

Over the weekend I reached out to a person I saw on a TV show to ask them to interview them.

They were excited and said yes.

I was thrilled.

I spoke to them on the phone — they wanted to, I was hesitant, as I like the interviews to be fresh — and a bunch of times I was asking the person to stop explaining as I told them… I like the interviews to be fresh.

So the conversation went on longer than I would have liked.  I guess I should have been more in control as to what we were to talk about on the call — should have kept it short and to the point of just setting up a date.

Anyway, we hung up the phone.

And I started to feel weird about it.

Fears came up.

Did the call end okay?

Were they turned off by me telling them that I didn’t want to go into details during our talk on the phone?

Did I offend them somehow?

You would think they would want to save their time and energy as well.

So I started to feel insecure.


I wrote them an email — I think we should do the interview sooner, rather than later.

We had scheduled a time for next week.

No big deal if we do it next week, my thought was just — why delay, keep moving forward with my desires in this world.  Keep the pace.  Keep living large.

I was going to call them back to ask if they could move the time/date up — but felt embarrassed calling them 20 minutes after we hung up.

My insecurities.

Don’t want to be annoying.

So instead I emailed.

But I didn’t get a reply.

And yesterday didn’t get a reply either.

And neither today.

So today I wrote another email, just checking in.  Doing one of those moves, not sure if they got the email – and no big deal if they can’t move the interview up.  They said they’ve been real busy.

So now, what’s the deal?

I feel they want to do the interview – and just haven’t been on email.

But who isn’t on email?

But my intuition just says, hang tight.  Notice the insecurities.  Notice your fears.  Anxieties.  Release them.

There’s fear that they didn’t like me… when talking to me.

Why would this be the case?  I’m likable.  This is old stuff.  Childhood stuff.

Concern that they’re ignoring me.

That they don’t want to do the interview again.

Fears that I did something to mess it up. (childhood stuff again).

Interesting that I have this fear…. what was I fearful / why is my default to think that I messed something up?  I don’t remember any of this from childhood.  Don’t remember messing anything up in childhood… but yet, it’s my worrisome thought.

These is the same worries I went through when I booked Hugh.

See the pattern here?  I do.

I’m praying and doing some of my tools to release this fear and anxiety.

I’m sure all is okay.  This is just a lesson.  And if they decided against it and are ignoring my emails, then it’s okay.. I can interview someone else.

But I’m sure that’s not the case.

Relax.  Breathe.  Let it go a few days.