July 6, 2013

It’s 6AM and I was abruptly woken up by a bad dream.  Or shall I say, another bad dream.

This one was about me visiting with an old roommate, I haven’t seen her in a really long time and she was watching GIRLS.  I was asking her if she liked the show — and what she liked about it.  We were sitting on her bed.  She said, it’s about guys, right?

And we both laughed.  I guess with the assumption that she likes guys.  We were talking about going to eat.  She made some suggestions of restaurants and I told her I was really hungry so I’d rather a quick place to just pick up food.  I suggested chinese takeout, we could eat there (her current roommate was going to join us) or if her and her friend wanted a nicer place, I could go on my own — I just really needed to get food into my system.

(This makes me think how I am hungry now — same deal as last night, it’s showing up in my dream.  For some reason eating fish at night doesn’t seem to be satisfying me… although, wait, I had chicken last night… but not a whole meal.  I’ve been really hungry lately at night, burning up a lot of calories with all this thought and worry, I’m assuming….)

They came with me.

We were at the chinese place and for some reason my jewelry was spread out across the table.

I went up to the counter to order and when I came back, I panicked cause I didn’t see it there anymore.

I asked the guy who was cleaning tables where it was and he pointed to the jewelry in two cups.  I looked through the pieces and tried to remember what I had there.  I was almost in a panic, very worried.  Trying to remember if each piece was accounted for.  I tried to put some items on, but there was more there than I could fit on my fingers (of the rings at least).  I didn’t know why my jewelry was out at a public place, exposed like that.

Then the rest of the dream was me walking back and forth at the counter trying to get served.  No one would take my order.  It was either too busy.. or they said only the owner takes the orders… there was a big counter like the one at Sbarras, it had that italian pizza feel, although it was a chinese place.

So I would walk away and then back, starving and no one would take my order.

My friends wondered where I was.  They couldn’t find me. At this point I was a mad woman because I was so hungry.  I left the place, got in my car and started driving crazy, on the grass, through bushes trying to get to food.  Maybe McDonalds?  Anything at this point, I didn’t care.

Then something happened — I was at a gas station or looking at someone’s ipad/kindle and it showed a picture of Mark O’Mara, lawyer for Zimmerman trial all sprawled out, he was shot dead.  I was in horror.  Fearful for my own life.  The article said that these two psychics predicted it on Facebook and that they were promoting their psychic shows in Vegas.

I couldn’t believe it.  I was just staring at OMara’s face and body, stunned and in fear

And that’s when I woke up.


In a fear for my life.  I signed onto Facebook to see if I was “okay” or if there was hate spewing at me.  Fearful that someone would give out my address and then come after me.

I’ve been praying all night and this morning for angels to protect me and guide me.  To please help me in this situation.  I know my unconscious must be putting up blocks for my message to get out.  Put up through fears — because the more popular I get, the more who hear my message the more I may feel like a target.  Most definitely.

I’m afraid.

And then of course someone would say, stop.  Shut up then.  But I don’t think that’s the way for me.  I want to honor what I came here to do.

But with that said, I will take today to be alone.  Walk in nature.  Journal. And probably cry.

Most people are quiet.  Don’t speak up.  Unopinionated.  Fearful.  Afraid if they speak up they will offend someone or be a target.  Not to speak on something controversial unless it’s popular opinion.  That’s the safest way, of course… and that’s why I believe Trayvon has so many supporters.

I did not go into this choosing one side or the other.  I tuned in because I was curious to hear the case.  And then through watching, I saw what was going on… Zimmerman being used as the target for black hate and made out to be an evil man.  I don’t like anyone being bullied.  That’s what I feel is going on here.

And I pray and pray — G-d am I seeing something incorrect here?  Am I seeing something wrong? And the message is consistent with what I am seeing is the truth.  I’m seeing the imbalance in our society.  The hate.  The targeting by society and media.  The mob mentality.

It’s not a popular belief — and one that gets people upset.

It’s a paradigm shift.  A waking of unconscious beliefs and programming.

And I keep feeling, I’m the one to speak up about this.  This makes me worried and very fearful.  I need to fix my thoughts.  Keep them focused on the positive.  Let them bring more supporters and more people who can hear my words to me.

I have to envision my words being liked and teachings and wisdom appreciated — rather than picturing hate mobs.  I know this is what I need to do and I know it’s very important.

I also know my spiritual people are probably shaking in their boots.  Watching what happens to me to see if it’s okay for them to speak out about stuff.

I know they are silent, but watching.  I know that is many.

I also know so many spiritual people would never speak out about this stuff.  It wouldn’t even cross their mind.  There’s so much fear with spiritual people — again, I think it has a lot to do with past life trauma.  Look how it’s coming up for me now…


So what was the deal with the jewels being exposed in the dream?

Well, I think that says it all.. my inner jewels are being exposed.  I’m feeling vulnerable.

I think no one serving me at the chinese place is Martin Luther maybe showing me how blacks were not served or treated as 2nd class citizens in the past.. this could be a past life recall.

Oh yea, this girl behind the counter said, it’s nothing personal, you’re just a fork.  Or, it’s just like a fork.

I took that to mean, you’re just different.

So that definitely has to do with racism and the frustration it creates.

Oh g-d, how am I going to get a TV show when I’m talking about this?

People like light and fluffy, this is heavy and controversial.  (Perfect Blaire, that’s what TV likes.  Drama.  It gets viewers…)

Very funny — but not really.

I was out on a walk yesterday and had a vision of being invited on a TV show for an interview and how I was so scared, asking questions, to see if it would be a friendly environment or not — and telling them I’d do the interview through phone or Skype.  Too afraid for my life to go down in person.

Oh g-d.  What is going on?  Why is this happening?

I need to find the blessing here.  And I also have been thinking about going to see a healer to clear this fear if it doesn’t process through today/tomorrow.

Thank you.

PS:  I hope that OMara shooting was not a premonition and only a fear.  I’ve been praying about that too — for everyone’s safety.