June 10, 2013
You know what makes me cringe? When someone replies to one of my posts on Facebook.
Yes. I know, crazy, right?
And yes, I know I told you — I told myself — I wasn’t going to go on there for this week, but it’s been hard.
I go on to check this one lady’s updates. I find them helpful. But I also realize they are a way that I distract myself. Distract myself when I am bored. Distract myself from my purpose. Distract myself from my feelings.
Spirit keeps giving me this angel message that says, what could you do to simplify your life? Make it easier? Less complicated?
And it’s Facebook. Enough.
Jeez, the worst addiction I’ve experienced.
So what happened was that I was just going on there to check what she wrote. I wouldn’t comment or post anything. BUT major things have been happening in the world today and something moved me and I had to share it.
So others would pray for this guy too… the 29 year old man who brought to light how the US gov’t spies on us. Terrible.
I feel afraid for him, upset for him. Worried about his life.
I shared the post for others to pray for him…. which I doubt if they will.
But then people started replying. Not tons, but some.
Now you would think I would be happy about this since it annoys me when I put out all this energy and people don’t share anything back — BUT I notice how it bothers me when they reply too.
WHY?
My stomach cringes. Tightens. I feel uncomfortable.
WHY?
Because then I feel bad that I am not replying to them. Not engaging in conversation with them. Not “liking” their post.
I don’t want to. Cause then I feel annoyed that again there’s an imbalance and I feel drained that I’m putting out too much energy.
So on one hand, I get annoyed if they don’t like or comment.
But then if they do I feel uncomfortable feeling like I’m doing something wrong by not replying. That I’m ignoring them, and hurting their feelings.
This doesn’t feel comfortable either.
But then if I do like or reply back to them, then I feel empty, unhappy, unsatisfied.
Yuck.
So again, the message is — off Facebook.
Just for a week. Don’t even check in to see the lady’s updates. Forget it. She does a radio show each week, just listen to that — she talks about everything she posts on Facebook then anyway — and leave it at that.
I think I should be in my own juices these days.
I should be in my own energy.
And I haven’t been happy with Facebook or interacting with people in cyberspace for a long time, so I have to gather the courage to just let that go. In human relationship terms, I’d say it’s an UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. I need to break up.
Please give me the strength to abstain.
I feel like I need some purposeful work to do today in my life to help me… and today I have not a clue what to do. Boredom again. Avoidance again.
I will get through this.
Thank you.