April 9, 2013
I was going through mourning last night having to do with this student, healing, and this situation I’m in with this student – logically I don’t understand why it was happening, but I was allowing it.
I also was going through a period of wondering if this is even the right field for me. If I even want to be a healer — and also not wanting to be one.
This was strange for me as I never had this thought or doubt before, I always knew I was and I always felt grateful for this role in this lifetime.
Then I felt mad that I have to go through this and will have to have an intimate, uncomfortable (possibly) conversation with a student that I truly love. I fall in love with all of my clients, which I know some may say is a boundary issue but I work with them weekly for a period of a few months, and these are talking sessions, (channelling messages and exercises for them as I talk) so it happens.
This morning I realize this is more of a control / power issue with this student rather than an energy thing — although they are both very much related.
Again, I feel upset and mad (although am being kind of myself) that I allowed myself to be controlled… again. Even if it is subtle and “no big deal” since it’s in a very minor way. But hey, it happens and yes, more lessons for me.
I didn’t realize how my students were controlling me (at times) — I cleared this out of my family relationships — my friendships — and now Spirit is helping me clear this out and create healthier relationships with my students / in business. This is good.
Spirit tells me, “hey, you wanted to step your career to the next level, these are the steps – we are helping you upgrade” — this makes me laugh — because the last few have been real hard and emotional. They also tell me “let it be” and “this all doesn’t have to be figured out in one or two days” – this also makes me laugh.
Going to try to focus on other things today.. surrender…. let it be.