April 17, 2013
The other thing that is going on here — what I noticed, is that yesterday and maybe the day before I’ve had down moments feeling not successful. Feeling upset and annoyed that things are not happening sooner or that I want them really bad and frustration / wanting to connect with them, etc.
Which I will connect with those dreams. I am going to do another meditation about them having to do with clearing past life fears and how the healer was helping me. Review those notes again.
But i see the contrast. Here others are looking at me, like those two emails I got, saying “that was great — congrats on your success” and things related.
And I’m poo-pooing them.
Well, the reason why is because I have in my mind what I so badly am aiming for next.
So I guess what I need to do is.. I don’t know, appreciate more as to where I am.
Although that feels so old. I went through that phase. Appreciating and simply BEING where I am — now it’s about that movement / struggle / pulling myself out of where I am to connect with where I want to be. Where I know I should be. What I FEEL is right there.
I actually don’t know what the answer is here. I’ll just let it be.
On another note, more rejection notes from agents. Interesting how this went from a good sign to me, to one that annoys me. Not sure what that means…
And also, on another, another note, that video I made yesterday about the Boston Marathon, I don’t know how I feel about it anymore. I know it was great what I shared – – great delivery, etc. But I can’t help but feel – was it insensitive? I don’t know. Everyone is so involved with the drama of the chaos going on in the world and I am so removed from it. Totally not in my awareness. I don’t know if this has to do with me having different awareness / perspective having to do with spiritual awakening… or if it has to do with I don’t have it blaring on the TV… newspapers or co-workers upset about it.
Not sure. That’s another point of confusion.
Hmm… so I see how I’m in confusion with a bunch of things these days.
I question if I’ll even work today. Not sure if I even feel like it again. Not sure what to do…