June 24, 2013

Okay, so I’m putting up this website about my move to LA — and two things.

One – I’m constantly doubting myself.  It’s terrible.  It’s like trying to drive forward and constantly getting jolted back cause you keep stepping on the brakes.

(Good analogy for what I’m writing about — thanks Guides!)

And Two — The Cheese Factor.

This website is cheesy.

And the more cheesy I make it..  Which could also mean the more playful I make it, the more fun it looks.  The more I like it.  The lighter energy it feels.

And this makes me think a few things..

1 – I’m constantly doubting myself…. asking, what’s the point of this website again?  (which I get back confusion)

Then I tell myself I am using it to get in touch with sponsors… and then there’s the comment in my head — “and this looks professional?  Do you really think a big corporation is going to look at that site and say, yes, let me give you $10,000”


(By the way, 3:33 as I write this.  Please Ascended Masters, I really need your help today – terrible thoughts trying to take me down)


2 – I have another sabotaging thought…

“This is what you’re spending your day on?  What a waste…”  I can hear my mom saying that.

Heck, I’m saying that!

And another sabotaging thought…

“You’re trying to make it like MarryBlaire website, but how embarrassing if it doesn’t do as well as that site.”

Uck.  Stop it now.


3 – And this one… I realize that I stopped doing this “cheesy” stuff because I wanted to — I needed to be more professional with Love Guru.

I presented stuff like this with my event planning company — but that was about events — and fun — and blow jobs.  🙂  It was sexuality stuff.

Then somehow when I “grew up” with Love Guru I thought the cheese factor was not working for me… okay, rightly so, and I made everything look professional.

Which many times means boring and no personality.

So I don’t have any conclusions with this post.  I’m just sharing my noticings with you…

I also feel I need a walk or something to re-group…. and really get focused as to what I want to write on this website…. and what I want to share…. and what I want to use it for.

Oh G-d, please help me today.  I feel like I’m birthing it…. but again there seems to be so much resistance here.  That doesn’t make me feel positive about it… please help.  Ganesh.


PS:  Went out for a walk, talking to my guides and I look up — and there on the car is a sticker of California.

PSS:  There have been A LOT of UHAUL trucks around lately!  Saw one last night in my community.  That makes 2 in my community over this weekend.  That’s a lot.

PSS:  Saw an earthworm earlier today when walking Magic.  Crawling right beside us

Earthworm also reminds us that no matter how small our efforts seem,
we are reshaping the earth around us.   Earthworm reminds us that no matter how difficult things might have been,
new growth and new hope awaits us.