June 9, 2013

Today I had a fun day.  I did two fun things — that are out of the ordinary fun things for others, but pretty normal for me.

You see, I realized today that I’m a bringer of fun.

I realized this with my ex when we separated — that I was the one who was always coming up with fun things and that he was not and how I felt disappointed that I was putting out all this energy…

But I realized today that I’m the one who is usually like this with others too.

Meaning, that I’m the one who is usually coming up with difference things to do.  Weird things.  That again, I think are a lot of fun… and usually others think is fun too.

Example…. today I went to Marshall’s (yes, I know… Marshall’s, but I have a credit there from when my mom bought me something that I didn’t want ages ago — so I have to go on a regular basis to try to find something I like and use the credit)

Anyway, today I was at Marshall’s.  And I had this really nice cocktail fancy dress that I wanted to donate.  Have been wanting to donate.  But I figured rather than going out of my way and dropping it off at Goodwill, I’d just leave it in the dressing room — as a surprise for a person or an employee who wants it.

This is funny to me.

It’s fun too.

With that I left a book that was not even used — one of those sexy coupon books for lovemaking.  It’s been sitting around in my space for MANY years as I bought it before I had a man, like ever (when I was in my teenage years I think) and held it with the expectation that I’d use it once I fell in love.

ANYWAY, I left that too.

Again, maybe you just have to be there, but it’s funny to me.

Afterwards I thought of the possible issues of doing that… like an employee doesn’t want to take it, doesn’t want to be accused of stealing – same with a customer — but they’ll sort it out.

And, again, it’s fun for me.

I’ve done this in the past.  Just left a garment on the rack.

I’ve also left a object from my home that I no longer wanted (a cha-ch-ka ?) in Marshalls.  Just donated it to them.

Haha.  I think that’s funny cause — ahh — cause I do.

I’ve also recently done this with my apartment complex.  I was giving away this angel statue I had… didn’t want it anymore, so again, rather than keeping it in my car for ages to properly donate it, I just brought it to the main building and placed it amongst their other stuff — you know, I helped donate the place.

This is really funny to me.  And makes me laugh hysterically every time I walk my dog past the area, as the people who work here are so clueless and they didn’t even realize there’s a new decoration in the place.

It’s hilarious.

Again, I think so…

And you would too if we were hanging out and you were here doing this with me.  You would also probably think I was crazy — and funny – and fun.

And this has been going on for years… although I have been coming up with more ideas and today I’m going to make a master list and add to it, because I have been doing this for my whole life and will start doing it more.


Because it’s fun.

Because I focus on laughter and enjoy doing it more and more often — it’s really good for you.

And also, I think it’s something I could do more and more these days as a sort of free Entertainment.  You know, conscious entertainment.  Go out and do stuff.  Because I used to do this stuff in the past, but never thought about it — just got the idea and rolled with it — now I’m going to do this, say, rather than going to the movies 🙂

Haha.  I think that’s funny too.

Here’s another idea I came up with… I’ll share with you, you can try it out.

And hey, if money is at a low point, what are you going to do?  Sit at home and feel bad about yourself?  No!  Use your creativity in different ways — I enjoy doing stuff where you can see people’s reaction.

Ohh — let me tell you this one before I tell you my newest idea — a few years ago I had a lot of sex toys left over from my Event Planning Company (Bachelorette Party Planning) — and I didn’t know what to do with the sex toys.  I donated a bunch to this local gay bar — loads of boxes to them — and had some left over.

So I decided to rather than bless just one person or establishment I’d spread it out…. I brought a whole box of these humdingers and lube and who knows what else was in there… placed them on the bench outside of Dairy Queen, right before they closed… and just sat there in a parked car to watch someone pick it up from the store.

Yes I wanted to laugh with them about their reaction — but I also wanted to make sure someone got the gift, rather than just leaving it.

They came out to lock the door cause they were closing up shop — and the girl looked inside the box and was soo happy, laughing hysterically and grabbed the box and brought it into the store to show her co-workers.  I’m sure that was a fun night they all talked about for awhile.

See, I’m like the sex toy fairy 🙂

It’s fun things like that.  I really enjoy it…

So actually I’ll leave it at that.  This post is really long, I didn’t realize 🙂  So much to share here.

I’m going to make a list and maybe each day try to do something fun like this — cause it really brings me so much joy.

Hey, maybe my show would have some element of this?

I don’t know.

But the point here is… which wow, I didn’t even get to that… the point is, that I am now, because of this realization across the board, I am now viewing myself with new eyes.  I am a bringer of fun.

Again, I always have been.

I used to always come up with ideas for skits for my cousins / family friends and friends to do — and we’d video tape it.  It was always a lot of fun.  And again, it was always using my ideas.

I have loads of ideas, and just like you do with a muscle I’m going to start using my creativity in this way again.

Each day challenging myself with — okay, what should I do today?

What would be fun?

And this makes life so much more fun.  To be playful and joyous.  So much more laughter and creativity.  I love it.

This is another thing having to do with self esteem — cause again I go into that self loathing thing that no one likes me — which again is not true, oh gosh — but I just haven’t been hanging out with the right people… because again I was always coming up with these fun ideas and they were not.

That’s no fun.

And I realize my soul has been hungry for other fun and creative people.

Which it has not been around.

I have not consciously looked for that, but now I am.

So again the reason why I haven’t hung out with many people — why I prefer to hang out with myself — is because I always do come up with these fun games… which a lot of times stops when I’m hanging out with others or if I do share, then I feel upset that why am I bringing up all this stuff and they are just tagging along for the ride?

Again… being a leader… and attracting followers…. hmm… yes, that’s right.

I’ve always had followers.  Okay, this is possibly another post.  Good realization.

But this is great stuff, something like it – to bring more into my work where there hasn’t been much creativity at all.  Boring.  Shitty.

Love how all of this is pulling together.

So that’s why I enjoy hanging out with myself so much — cause my imagination runs wild.

Love how my imagination is waking up again.  All things are possible.

Gosh, how sad, my imagination has been turned off for so long.  I’ve been feeling dead inside… I think.  That’s sad.  But again, happy I’m here again!

So much for me to think about with this post.  So many exercises for me to do from Spirit now.  WOW.