May 9, 2013

Last night I had a horrible sleep.  Kept waking up, uncomfortable, stressing about finances and my future.  PANIC.

We’re having a lot of eclipses now so I know this is contributing to these things.  Pushing me to change.  Now we know what all those 555 was all about.  CHANGE.

But I’m okay now.  I have some healing stuff / tools I’m going to do, plus some things I’m going to journal about tonight.

Last month I got hardcore into the healing my fears and poor thoughts about money and overall negative thinking about my success and finances — this month is when I am stepping it up to the next level.

The thing that was bothering me this morning – the panic had to do with this… it was a question… how do I have compassion and patience with myself when I need money now?

That was the issue in my mind this morning.

Like I said, now, later in the day I’m feeling better.  I have action steps to take.

I realize the magnitude of what I’m doing – healing finance patterns that have gone back MANY generations.

The pattern of the man providing and the women relying on the man to provide…

I was in this space with my ex boyfriends but what I’ve been doing now is wanting to fully financially support myself.

This was never an interest to me.  I figured it would happen eventually and it was no big deal for me to rely on someone else.. my parents.. or a man.

So anyway, in appreciation of realizing how far I’ve come.

What I am doing.

The excitement of it.

And also the imminent success of my venture.

I always succeed when I put my mind on something.

And now it’s on this.