Boredom

March 2, 2014

Something came over me yesterday.  Boredom.  Bored energy.  Boredom.

I’m bored living here.

I’m bored with my life.

I’m all packed up and ready to go.

There’s no loose ends, nothing more to do with me being here and having to get ready for my move.

Before there were things to sell.  Things to release.  Things to donate.  Things to sift through.  I’ve done it all.

Everything laying on my floor is coming with me.

I’ve sold everything except for my couch, my bed, my dog stroller, my extra pair of rollerblades.  And they are all up for sale, posted now.

I don’t feel like pushing or forcing this move.  So I’m not going to.

But I also don’t feel like being here anymore.

I’m bored.

I’ve gone through this phase before.  I’ve been bored in this area and made myself find things I appreciated about it, like I said, I’ve been through this cycle many times before.

Now I’m ready to go.

My old life is boring to me.  Really boring.  Too still.  Too quiet.  Too filled with nothing day and night.

I go to sleep early because I’m bored.

Remember, I don’t have a TV so it’s not like I’m going to waste my time in front of the TV.

What do people do with their lives?

There’s a need for friendship.  Doing things with friends.  But I’m not interested in the people here and I have no desire to make new friends here.  I’m moving.

And same deal, I’ve been through this cycle with making friends here before.  Many, many times.  Now I’m just done with it.  No desire to put effort into it.

So today I will do some work.

I have a program to put online and I’ll just sit by the pool and do that.  One less thing to move with (the papers).  That’s good.

I’ll continue to pray that my couch sells today, amongst my other things because in my mind that makes me one step closer to moving.

Today is Mar 2nd.  I have until March 3rd to pay the rent.  This month I will pay my rent on time.  Last month I was kept in anticipation (and anxiety) whether I was going to get the news of the move or not and didn’t want to pay extra for time I wasn’t going to be here, since I owe them 2 months rent when I move out early (and break my lease).

So a weird space I’m in.  A transition space.

I’ve been thinking about the idea of living somewhere permanently. I wonder if I’ll ever feel satisfied.  I have this wandering Spirit.  This bored nature.  4 years and I’m bored.  Want out of the place.  I used to like it here.  Actually, I used to love it here.

Being at the ocean each day was great.

Now I just find it boring.  Too slow of a pace to the energy.  Bored.  Nothing exciting happens here regarding business.

But I’m sure I’ll go into a colder climate.  Be back in the “harshness” of life and end up not liking it there either.

I think I’m meant to have several residences – like I’ve always dreamed of — and I live each place for 3-4 months out of the year.  This way I have a home and I like that security and safe and homey feel.  And then also it’s always new energy and climate.

Really, it’s still strange to me how I used to love the heat — now it is too hot for me….

How I used to love all the colors and the beauty — and now all I want is to make money and be in the action.

Hey, things serve their purpose.  This was a time for me to get my graduate degree and go through growth and healing.  I did so on my own, through my marriage, and then healed relationship patterns through the healing of my marriage relationship.

Now I’m ready for the “real world” and ready to exit the lala land of South Florida.

Thank you.

Curious as to what this week brings.

Yesterday WAS a new moon.  That’s supposed to be new beginnings.  Yet this weekend, I just sit here in the old energy — bored.  It has to be time for me to move on from here.  And it really doesn’t help when everyone all around me is moving out of the apartment.  It’s like “what about me” energy.  Ha.  How sad.