March 11, 2013

I notice that many of my students are rolling solo.  I know there are communities out there that join people together, and although I’ve been apart of them on Facebook, I’ve always kept in the background, never really went out of my way to make friends and even when I did I regretted it.

And here’s the thing.  For awhile, I guess what started this all off was that people weren’t commenting on my blog and videos, sharing my work, etc as much as I saw other people were doing for other people’s work.  and I still don’t know the reason for that, well, I kind of do.  My people – like me – are very private people.

Although we feel like we want to belong and have people around us, lots of friends — I think many of us really don’t.  I think we really like rolling solo.  And if this is not conscious, then it’s a pull by our Spirit to have us create a really good relationship with ourselves.  This is our path.

I’m coming to terms with this, from a business perspective – and I guess personally.

I’m very happy in my relationship with Magic, my dog.

I love him so much — and when I’m out with someone else, like when I was meeting my mom for dinner on a weekly basis or going on errands with her or just hanging out at her apartment, I would miss Magic and want to (and usually) just come home.

I used to get mocked about this – by my mom.

That I didn’t have any friends — or that I like hanging out on my own.

It seems like such a stupid and cruel thing to joke on someone about, stupidity — but I was always happy on my own, doing my artwork, in my own world.  She said when I was younger I would be invited to people’s birthday parties, but didn’t care if I went, I was happy on my own.  And it’s still the same deal.

I hear this from my students.  The same things — as well as the same struggle of … well, I guess it’s really an accepting of self.  Accepting one’s self for being different.  Coming to terms about being made fun of / mocked / joked about, by our parents.  It’s done in fun, but it’s really cruel, and it creates a self-hating dynamic.  Terrible.

Anyway, I think many people’s paths are to have a better relationship with themselves, to learn how to be their own best friend, but I see the students who come to me are maybe just more in touch with this internal stirring — and yea, maybe just some people are meant to be more social in this lifetime.  I have no clue.