March 13, 2013

I had a session with a teacher/healer yesterday.  I was happy to do it as I haven’t worked with anyone in what feels like awhile (5-6 months) but I’ve been feeling very frustrated with making my dreams come true and living my full potential, so I decided to schedule a session.  This is why it’s so great to have someone you can go to, I really appreciated the session and I was reminded how fun it is to have.  (Fun because it always unveils new levels of understanding — so interesting and I love learning!  especially about me, hehe, that was a joke… although probably true too!)

Anyway, I have been feeling my dreams RIGHT THERE for about 6 months now and some days it will feel sooo sooo close, i’ll FEEL IT so strongly and then other days in the week I’ll be so down in the dumps as far as “what will it take to make these things happen?”

Well, just like Spirit does, it always guides you to the right person (It’s a shame how some people don’t live this way — I’ve had some clients in the past who’ve been so excited that they were lead to me but then over-thought it and didn’t follow through.  It’s always in our hands… the choice.  Spirit doesn’t force)

But anyway, the session was interesting and healing.  Of course.

And one of my patterns came out that I wanted to share with you.  Something from past life times of wounding.  Concern about being betrayed.  Being fearful of being betrayed… so in order to prevent what happened from a past lifetime, of being super successful, rich, happy, living the good life and full of power — the rise and then out of nowhere someone who I thought was a friend took me down.

So she shared with me, that this is how I am holding myself back.  That I am spending all this energy befriending my enemies… or trying to make friends with people who could be detractors — sort of “paying them off” — showing them, look at me, there’s nothing of threat here, I’m just like you, shrinking myself, so that they don’t notice me or think I’m anything worth paying attention too.

And this would explain why I have trouble with making friends / liking people… as many people throughout my life I have hated.  Well, it’s cause this pattern, I’ve been trying to make friends with people I don’t like — so they won’t take me down.

And to go further than that, she was saying that I am looking for that guarantee that there won’t be any threat when I am up living the high life.  So I am holding onto my dreams, and holding onto them until I get some sort of guarantee that I will be safe.. so I won’t “fall” again.

And I just found that all very interesting and very healing.  And I so get it — and so see that I’ve been doing that.  Really holding myself back.

But with awareness comes power… and I am healing this and going forward.  I am ready for my dreams to come true.  I really really want them to happen… and I feel it’s now or never. So I gotta get to it, cause I don’t like how I feel, a feeling of not living up to my potential and wasting my life away.  I know I can do so much more.

SO ROAR I am going ahead.