March 1, 2013

Well starting yesterday — and then continuing into today I’ve been somewhat tired, slight headache on and off, and a bit sad feeling.  And you know what that means?  Growth and processing time — oh really?  Yes I’m grateful for it, but I’m also feeling a bit grouchy and not in the mood.

I’ve been in gung ho forward motion (which growth is still forward motion) working on my projects, writing my book on full speed ahead, but now, these last two days it’s been time for me to step aside and rest.

It happened Wednesday night when I met with a writing friend.  Some things she said to me have been stewing in my mind for awhile, about writing my story — and it feels like the way I’ve been writing it no longer is the right way.

Now part of me is a little cranky, “really, you’re going to re-route me now?  What was the point of writing all I did…”

But I know that’s not the truth.  I know I needed to write all I did to get where I am.

The awareness and healing with my parents.  What I posted about a few days ago — I know I needed that final tie up.

And now that my book has done it’s part for me, the final healing, it’s now time to re-focus, re-orient and I think it’s time to restructure how to write it for others to read.  In order to help others.

Now again, this is great news.  But I’ve written over 50 pages (that are edited and polished) and my document is over 400 with notes.  And now it’s time to re-structure and re-focus.

So again, I’m trying to keep my focus off of the annoyance of it — as I am CONSTANTLY REMINDED that I am further than I think I am… but these two days of hanging around, well, not excited about that.

But then again, that’s how this birthing process of my new self has gone.  Full speed ahead, ready for things to change and re-arrange.  Things are happening really fast, new energy, new excitement – and then rest to recover.  I know I need to make the most of this time as there will be lots of activity again that I need my strength for.  So take it easy and let it be.

I’ve been painting.  (which in itself is fun, and that definitely is a plus of this time.  I enjoy it!)

Last night I had a dream that a bat was on my face.  It’s wings were smothering my face.  Making sure to cover it all.  I’ve never dreamed of a bat, nor has it ever been one of my totems… until now.

Check it out below.

Ohh, I may add, that I love working with the animal kingdom / Mother Earth / shamanism… this all continues to make me very happy.  That’s what all of this is.  Sometimes it passes through me so strongly my Native American roots.  I know I was a great shaman / medicine woman back in the day.

See below.


Transition, Rebirth

A Bat totem appearing in your life
is a call for the end of a way of life and the beginning of another.

You must face your greatest fears
and get rid of the part of your life that no longer is needed.
This transition is very frightening for many:
“better the devil you know…”
But you will not grow spiritually until the old parts are gone.

Face the darkness before you and you will find the light in rebirth.