February 15, 2013

I’m feeling off today so I’m going to make this short, if possible ūüôā ¬†Yesterday was a HIGH energy day and today I have a side/tension or sinus and/or energy expansion headache.

Yesterday I was waiting all day for the photographer to put the pictures online. ¬†Since it was raining it took her extra long and I kept waiting and waiting and checking email. ¬†Finally they were online and I was riding the waves of “like this” “don’t like this” and “why didn’t she take another one like this with my eyes open”… but anyway. ¬†It gave me the thought that I’d like to start taking photographs again and many times I was directing her about posses, styles and location. ¬†She feels kind of new to me. ¬†Which is fine, but that is the reason for this story…

We had originally emailed and then chatted months ago, she agreed to take my pictures. ¬†When I asked her “what are you getting out of this” she said that she liked being creative and having fun and was always looking for someone to shoot. ¬†Okay, gotcha. ¬†Or so I thought.

Now over the years I have worked with many photographers in NYC. ¬†I was building my portfolio and they were theirs. ¬†The way it always worked was that they would take a lot of shots, then they would put them all on a disc and we’d be done with it. ¬†In some cases the photog would print out or pay for a few prints for me as part of the exchange. ¬†Not sure why they did that, but that was a cool deal thinking back on it.

Anyway, I thought this was the same deal with this girl. ¬†UNTIL things started to sit uncomfortable when we ended the shoot and I said to her, “okay, so how do you work this? ¬†are you going to zip all the pics and email them to me”

And she was like “no, I don’t let out any of my raw snap shots, I photoshop everything”

“Oh, you do?” ¬†That was a strange comment to me. ¬†Hmm… what was this all about.

I let it go, but it stayed in my mind.

That evening when I finally got to see the proofs, some of them looked a bit funny to me — was she airbrushing my face?

She said no.  No editing yet.

I told her, “I don’t need you to do all of that, just mail them to me.”

But she didn’t want to.

I was concerned about her 1) wasting her time on photographs I may not be using for my banner and 2) concerned about what these pics would look like.

She posted one of the pics on her FB page and the ocean was bluer and the sky was fixed as well.

Hmm… how do I feel about this?

Right before I went to sleep, I had a thought about this watermark she put on her photographs as well.  Would she do that on all the photographs she sent me?  Oh man, this is now a problem.

I emailed her a note before I went to sleep, but was tossing and turning dreaming about this and mulling it over in my head through the night. ¬†Is she going to photoshop me? ¬†To photoshop or to not photoshop, that is the question? ¬†Do I feel comfortable with this? ¬†Maybe when I was younger photogs did this for my Bat Mitzvah pictures when I was 13? ¬†Again, still uncomfortable about the whole thing…. the picture did look more vibrant but did I want that?

I told her how my current picture is natural and how the one before it was too – she said again, that she always does something to the pictures.

I woke up early this morning and emailed her about my concern. ¬†I firmly told her that I didn’t want any of my pictures photoshopped. ¬†That of course she could do them on her copies for her portfolio, but it would make me feel uncomfortable and she was doing extra work when it wasn’t needed. ¬†I told her she could call me to discuss this.

I tried to go back to sleep.  I tossed and turned and then finally passed out again.

Oh man, not one of these things again.

I seem to get into things with people. ¬†This a pattern. ¬†But I didn’t want to go there with my thinking today — another re-working of a relationship here. ¬†Let me be in my power, let me do this with strength and courage. ¬†I prayed and prayed.

She emailed me back how this is her profession, how she photoshops, how she would do it lightly if that’s all I wanted, but she doesn’t let originals go ever, and all the photogs she has worked with never let any of their pics go natural either, that it’s her work, and this is to her credit and she wants her work shown in the best light. She said she was going to have me sign a contract, but she didn’t think we would have any problems. ¬†(A contract? ¬†What? ¬†We were doing an exchange). She said, yes she was going to put watermarks and that those are for sale. ¬†(What? again. ¬†This was an exchange. ¬†Was she trying to scam me? ¬†Sure sounded like a bait and switch)

Oh man, what have I gotten myself into?

And now she’s threatening to trash the photos…


I prayed and paced before I got on the call. ¬†Please help me do this with strength, courage and power. ¬†She didn’t explain herself, I apologized for not asking her for more details, but she said she was looking for people to shoot, okay, a lesson for next time… and I couldn’t believe she was being adamant about photoshopping??)

That’s where my new friend ATHENA came into play. ¬†I have this book that I flip through to see what ascended master or other has a message for me for the day. ¬†I wanted to see what message I got before this situation… and it was ATHENA… about feminine power and strength – not in a physical way but through intuition. ¬†It said something about resolving conflicts in a peaceful way (? can’t exactly remember now, but it was perfect)

So I called on ATHENA before I called this photog, asked for help, and amazingly, it worked out wonderfully. ¬†I heard her side of the story, I understood it, although still saw where it was wrong to be laying the rules after the fact -she learned a business lesson there, good for her, we all go through that — and I was able to stand beautifully in my power, not in a bully kind of way, but in a powerful feminine way with beauty and grace.

She said she was sending the disc with the originals in the mail today. ¬†THANK YOU G-D! ¬†I’m looking forward to them being on their way.

PS:  Wow, just googled her cause I wanted to see an image.

And it said — Athena, Warrior Goddess.

WOW, I am convinced she was at the photo shoot the other day — I was picking up her energy. ¬†It’s amazing, because this dress I got and the way I was feeling in these possess, made me feel like a goddess — but I don’t like the word goddess, so I was telling the photographer that I was a WARRIOR GODDESS… WOW!!! that was my new friend Athena with me. ¬†And that’s how I feel these days — like a warrior woman, a warrior princess. ¬†I felt so strong and powerful and proud of myself – FULLY IN MY POWER at that shoot and I am so excited for the pictures, It felt so great doing them, because I was like (when I was taking the pictures) “This is me – in my power – who I really am – I’m a Warrior Goddess” — Super sexy, powerful and strong. ¬†You’ll see what I mean when you see the pictures. ¬†AMAZING. ¬†Wow, I am so in love… with MYSELF ūüôā

PSS: ¬†I also want to say that it was amazing, I was starting to feel mermaid energy in the pose I was in as well. ¬†I was telling her how excited I was, and that I just loved it, cause I LOVE MERMAIDS… so I kept telling her to think GODDESS WARRIOR MERMAID when she was looking at me, taking pictures. ¬†I know Spirit came out BIG TIME to help me in these pictures. ¬†I feel like I’m coming out!! (again) ¬†REALLY BEING SEEN, just like I had declared the night before at the Twin Flame Celebration and Meditation Ceremony. ¬†Amazing.