April 2, 2013

Today’s a really big day for me.  I’ve known this for weeks now, since I scheduled the interview – but there’s been a build up for me.

If I think about it logically I can’t figure out why it’s an important day (Am I meant to be like Oprah, an interviewer?)  and then all the thoughts that brings and I’m not sure that I want that, etc…

But in any event I know it’s big for me.

Yesterday I felt some anxiety and fear of people sabotaging me from my writing group, some people who are jealous of this opportunity I went after — so I had to work through that, that was my past life stuff.

But the last several days my sleep has been really bad.  Just not good at all — and over the weekend and even last night, really bad headaches — and a clinching of my jaw (something I totally forgot about, but it was something I used to do in my childhood)

So this is how I see it… the adjusting to new energies / raising my vibration / stepping more into my life path.

This is great news, but obviously there is some resistance for me.

The wanting to do my life’s work vs being afraid of it.  Wanting to be powerful vs afraid of not being safe.

I keep telling myself I’m safe.  Plus I’m working my tools.  They seem to be working.

I’ve been guided to step away from the computer more and play.

I haven’t really been doing this.

But today I will.

My interview is at 3PM and I’m going to go to the beach to take a walk, maybe lay, and hopefully build a sand castle or something.  I’ll bring an umbrella since again that sun is just way to strong for me.  I’ve been feeling really dizzy and off kilter lately too.

Last night I had some anxiety, hoping I was okay today visually pleasing so I could do the interview.  I’ve been healing — I would say I’m pretty much healed of it — this food allergy / plus suppressing of emotions that’s been going on for many years that then started causing my body to swell — I work with a naturopath to take care of this, I have been for 3 years now and it’s under control, although last week when it was time for me to adjust my homeopathic remedy with all this excitement (which then leads to stress on my system) I had a swelling on my face.

Last night I had this fear that I had to work through, and praying intensely to please let me look good / normal so I could do this interview at 3PM.  I look fine, thank g-d.

So deep breathes.  I also need to do more cardio / step it up.  I’m thinking of going swimming — to let out this excess energy that is obviously building up in my system and giving me headaches and really crap sleep.

So interesting.  Again, wouldn’t you just think that all would be well when things are opening up for you?  Something you’ve wanted for so long and so badly?  Well, here you go… this is my journey 🙂

I know it’ll get better.

I know I’ll be better at handling it.

Today I play … until it’s interview time 🙂

Feels so fantastic!