November 14, 2012
So one of the things from yesterday was a visit from my old self. Well, maybe not my old self, but parts of my old self that are ready to be released and dumped. Old fears. I’ll tell you what one of them was. Maybe the main one that sparked my bad mood yesterday…. and that was the fear that my new event dug up.
The thought that “Here’s another great idea I came up with and no one will sign up for it”
And that turned into a tirade of hate of self and Spirit.
Old thoughts… the same old routine… “Why did you give me so many great gifts if you are not sending me loads of people to benefit from me?”
“What is the point of this?”
“You’re making me suffer”
and on and on.
But the irony of it is this….. just the day before, my “low signups” became real clear to me. I got guidance on this that made it all worth it and made it all clear.
(A little back story if I didn’t already mention… or if you didn’t already pick up on one of my things here…. I have had this reoccurring experience of not many people signing up for my services. Different programs will vary, but overall it hasn’t been in the high numbers of what I would want for a business)
So Monday, this is what the insight that came through was….
Which actually I am now reminded of another part of this that I blogged about the other day…. that I needed to find the value and define myself, an internal confidence, rather than being told who I am by others….
Okay, forgot about that. Funny, as it just came to me last week as well….
So this is what I got on Monday…
Monday, was when I got the idea for the Silly Stupid Event. This is when I felt all my gifts – my genius – came together. It was the old me (joking, playful, creative) – with the new me’s gifts and insights, psychic powers 🙂
I said to Spirit… Okay, I got it…. I wasn’t receiving “popularity” with big numbers because you wanted me to keep working at it so the true essence of me comes out.
Maybe if I received success by big numbers right off the bat I would have stayed in that safe zone and not risk like I have been doing now.
And they said, yes. Totally.
And we all rejoiced and laughed and smiled. It was a happy day. A happy, high energy day… like I had shared with you in that last post, I had trouble sleeping I was so “high” with excitement.
But with that high state of joy (and new idea) came the fear…
Came the old fears and the old ways of being…
“Oh no, I’m a failure”
“No one signs up for my events”
And all that other bullshit. I wanted to stop it. Hey, I even got a sign up already – and the event is not for 2 weeks! But I was stuck in that fear mindset.
But something interesting happened with that early sign up… it reminded me of my event planning days. See my next post… 🙂 (yes, another cliffhanger, its a different topic) 🙂